It's that time of the year again: The Global Orgasm has returned

Now why can't all New Age-y pseudoscientific mumbo jumbo be like this New Age-y pseudoscientific mumbo-jumbo?

Yes, it's back. Starting right around now, it's Global Orgasm time again:

WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone you know.

WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction and places where violence is used in place of mediation.

WHEN? Solstice Day - December 22, at 06:08 Universal Time (GMT)

WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy.

I'll give Donna Sheehan and Paul Reffell, the originators of the concept, credit for one thing. They're persistent. Of course, the rewards of persistence in this matter are--shall we say?--quite seductive; so it's understandable. Indeed, I had a lot of fun with the whole concept last year, when it was first introduced. Naturally, I wondered what, if anything, will be different this year. For one thing, I was interested in the claim on the website that Global Orgasm 2006 was such a success.

How do they know?

Last year, the rationale was this:

The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.

The goal is to add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world.

Do you think it worked? Are the levels of aggression and violence in the world lower now than they were a year ago. I think not. Sadly, even the GO organizers seem to realize this:

In 2006, the first Global Orgasm for Peace focused on the escalation of tensions between the Government of the USA and Iran. One year later, some of those in power still want to declare war and Americans are waiting to be given another manufactured excuse to support it. So we are launching the Second Annual Synchronized GlobalOrgasm for Peace.

So my question is simple. Did the fact that the U.S. hasn't gone to war with Iran (yet) mean that GO 2006 worked? Or does the fact that there are still a lot of tensions between the U.S. and Iran mean that it didn't? How does one measure success of such an endeavor? Were there prospective criteria laid out before GO 2006 against which the events of 2007 could be judged? Did the "surge" in Iraq mean something different than we were led to believe?

I know, I ask too many questions, and sadly, I'm still not convinced by the science:

The Global Consciousness Project, located in Princeton, New Jersey, runs a network of Random Event Generators around the world which record changes in their randomness during global events. The results show that human consciousness can be measured to have a global effect on matter and energy during widely-watched events such as the collapse of the World Trade Center towers, large antiwar protests, natural catastrophes, acts of war and mass meditations. Concentrated consciousness has measurable effects.

Our minds influence Matter and Quantum Energy fields, so by concentrating our thoughts during and after The Big O on peace and partnership, the combination of high orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention for peace could reduce global levels of violence, hatred and fear.

Wait a minute. I thought that the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research (PEAR) laboratory shut down early this year. Who's keeping the random event generators running?

Maybe it's orgasmic energy.

But perhaps the most hilarious rationale for the Global Orgasm is this:

The planet needs a rest from all our other desires, so what better way to get us to take a rest from over-consumption than an orgasm? And if we can combine that energy with a resolution to be satisfied with less of everything (except orgasms, of course), perhaps the collective mindset will change. And since a major cause of global warming, peak oil, peak water, peak everything is overpopulation by humans, lets put in a collective request for fewer offspring. Every cute baby is another consumer. Let's make children even more valued by making fewer of them, before the pressures of overpopulation drive our children to kill each other.

Funny, but I thought that all that hyperventilating would add CO₂ to the atmosphere.

In the end, I'm rather puzzled how to achieve the task put before me by the organizers of this worthy project. After all, what Sheehan and Reffell are asking of participants is that they think of global peace with intent at the moment of climax. I don't know about you, but global peace is not something I would normally think about at such a time. Actually, thinking is not something i would normally do at all at such a time. The nature of the activity rather precludes it. Fortunately, Refell understands:

"It may take some practice to hone the skill of visualizing a peaceful world while we're so deeply involved in ourselves," says Paul Reffell, one of the organizers. "That's why we give everyone plenty of advance notice."

"May take some practice"? Now he tells me.

Let the practice begin!