Not counting Shouts and Murmurs email queries, I've sent pieces to the New Yorker proper on three occasions, the last of which just a few months ago. What I've noticed is that there is a clear trend is how these rejection letters have been developing over the years.
Here's the first one I got, which I think is pretty impressive and earned a rating of "A" in a previous post. I mean, it's got it all. Handwritten, reference to a powerful editor at the top of his game, written and signed even by someone in the same plateau. Plus, just the right amount of pretention in the letter to make it charming.
So that was in Spring of 2003. The Nigeria piece, by the way, did eventually get published at Maisonneuve.
Next, in and around the early part of 2005, I sent in two pieces and got this back. It's much more direct and impersonal, although still with some nice sentiment thrown in. (These pieces by the way also came to public light - the wine piece appearing, also, in Maisonneuve, and the "Am I Everywhere" appearing in The Believer.
More recently, Ben and I co-wrote a piece (there's actually an interesting story to this - which we can maybe divulge once it finds a home), and submitted it to the hallowed halls of the New Yorker. This time, it was easily the fastest turnaround time, but take a look at the actual letter:
Anyway, the trend is pretty clear, and if I was a betting man, the next time a rejection fom the New Yorker is received, I'm guessing it might look a little this:
Hmmm, speaking of trends, maybe we should resubmit to Maisonneuve...
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Gosh, do you think they have a house rule that everyone gets something hand-written? That's sort of nice.
I had a similar experience with the Beloit Poetry Journal a few years back. Their first letter was just so sweet, it didn't feel like a real rejection. Ah, denial.
Is it just me, or does the handwriting on your second letter call to mind a 20-year-old perky intern?
What next after "This sucks!": "Please stop!" ?
OK, but the 'THIS SUCKS' should be from a stamp pad rather than handwritten.
(Jeez. Now that I've thought of it, I need one of those for work, so when a goofy idea comes across my desk, I can just stamp 'THIS SUCKS' on it and put it in the outbox.)
I had a calculus teacher in high school that would stamp "RECYCLED" on any tests that got below a 80% . Because the class was semi-self-taught, you'd have to retake the test until you got an 80% to move on to the next section. Of course, only the first grade actually counted. He did have a weird system where you could get higher than your average test scores if you completed more sections of the book. (It worked really well, actually...)
At least you didn't get a reply: "Not even wrong."