Terrifying Science News Roundup

A large part of my affection for science comes from the thrill of terror I get when a particularly insane piece of science news hits the presses. When an article begins with a sentence like, "there is something strange in the cosmic neighborhood," or "all the black holes found so far in our universe may be doorways into alternate realities," my pulse quickens and a dormant paranoia is roused from deep within my breast: a sensation of joyful panic. I used to call this the "fourth-grade nightmare fantasy." This might be because as a long-time science fiction adept, I tend to read science news stories like they're the premise for a tale of intergalactic war, or the first inkling of a technological dystopia we can't yet see coming.

The last few weeks of science news, in this regard, does not disappoint. Conspiracy theorists, avert your eyes!

1. Mysterious Radio Waves Emitted from Nearby Galaxy

Highlight of Horror:

It seem[s] to be moving - and fast: its apparent sideways velocity is four times the speed of light. Such apparent "superluminal" motion has been seen before in high-speed jets of material squirted out by some black holes. The stuff in these jets is moving towards us at a slight angle and travelling at a fair fraction of the speed of light, and the effects of relativity produce a kind of optical illusion that makes the motion appear superluminal.

I think my fellow SciBling Greg Laden said it best: "I, for one, welcome our Overlords from Galaxy M82."

2. Every Black Hole Contains Another Universe?

Highlight of Horror:

According to the new equations, the matter black holes absorb and seemingly destroy is actually expelled and becomes the building blocks for galaxies, stars, and planets in another reality.

This is really a science fiction story waiting to be written; even the physicist who came up with the theory is quoted as saying "It's kind of a crazy idea, but who knows?" One baffling theoretical implication of this Black Hole-as-Wormhole theory is the potential that gamma ray bursts are actually just discharges of matter from alternate universes, spewing material into our universe through supermassive black holes (wormholes) in distant galaxies. Speaking of gamma ray bursts....

3. Gamma-Ray Burst Caused Mass Extinction?

Highlight of Horror:

A brilliant burst of gamma rays may have caused a mass extinction event on Earth 440 million years ago--and a similar celestial catastrophe could happen again, according to a new study. Such a disaster may have been responsible for the mass die-off of 70 percent of the marine creatures that thrived during the Ordovician period (488 to 443 million years ago), suggests study leader Brian Thomas, an astrophysicist at Washburn University in Kansas.

The simulation also shows that a significant gamma-ray burst is likely to go off within range of Earth every billion years or so, although the stream of radiation would have to be lined up just right to affect the planet.

Great. Like I'm not already paranoid enough about the "Big One."

4. Why NASA is Sending a Robot Into Space That Looks Like You

"I'm a very strong believer in human-robotic interaction. You can build up a synergy to accomplish what neither humans nor robots could accomplish on their own," Hoffman said. "That's the inspiration behind Robonaut."

Synergy! Why do these robots have to look like people? And why do they have to be holding what look like laser guns in the above picture? Imagine being an astronaut, trying to sleep in your little suspended cubby in the cramped quarters of the International Space Station, peering over the edge of your sleeping bag at a dormant humanoid robot, with its blinking lights and quiet machine hum. Oh God, did it just move?