About a year ago, when I was an intern in the throes of my first medicine ward rotations, I got a compliment that shone in my memory for weeks.
We had a rather complicated patient on our team. Her case was such that she often required several family meetings a day, and because I was busy with checkyboxen, those meetings were usually attended by my senior resident, Dr. Tremble. Of a certain afternoon, Dr. Tremble was in clinic, and I attended a meeting in his place. Afterward, the patient's husband followed me out of the room, and asked me--in front of the medical students, no less!--whether I would consent to replace Dr. Tremble as his wife's primary team member. She just liked me better, he said.
I politely declined, and fairly shouted praise of Dr. Tremble at the husband, loudly enough so his wife could hear from inside the room. Privately, I spent the rest of the day in a self-congratulatory fog, making favorable comparisons between myself and my neurotic senior. Of course people like me better than him, I thought. I'm just so much more likeable.
Today was my third day as a senior resident on the medicine wards, and I am seeing very clearly how much harder it will be to be likeable this year. As I struggle to wrap my head around everything that's happening with every patient on my team, demonstrating what I actually do is much harder than it used to be.
As an intern, I had a deliverable product that I delivered every morning before 8:30: neat, thorough progress notes in every patient's chart, later reimagined as formal and informal presentations to our team. I answered pages constantly, and it was my name next to every order in every patient's chart. Everyone knew exactly how hard I worked, and by the times next to my notes and my orders, exactly how early I was getting in.
It's different now. What I'm meant to bring to a resident team is something very nebulous--a combination of decision-making ability, knowledge, and leadership, all enriched by a spectacularly delicious extra hour and a half of sleep. The only thing I'm sure I'm bringing right now is the sleep. I'm not so sure how I'll know when I'm bringing the rest of it. I am certain, however, that my team will know when I'm not.
After all, what proof do they have that I really do anything?
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Well, if you weren't there you're interns would probably being saying, "I see dead people."
An extra hour and a half of sleep????? I'm jealous! I'm haulin' my sorry a** in to work earlier than ever.
Oh, and my senior residents last year embodied NONE of what you are trying to acheive, so if you feel like you are failing, hang with senior residents down here for a day or two and you'll feel like a ROCK STAR! (BTW - in my mind, a good senior resident last year was one who left me alone and let me do my work. So if you just do that, I would love to have you as my senior :) )
More sleep -even sunnier disposition..
I think people differ greatly on this issue. For example, if it were completely unidentifiable as my own, I would have no problem with a picture of my naked ass being posted on the Internet. Others would be absolutely horrified by the prospect.