Things I've learned by virtue of being a mom

In honor of Mother's Day, and in honor of the one-year anniversary of Baby Jane's appearance on Planet Earth, here, in no particular order, are the top five things I've learned from being a mom this past year. And, as a bonus, how each of these lessons can be applied to my career.

5. All plans are tentative.
Life is probably not going to work out exactly as I'd like, so be prepared, have an exit strategy/Plan B, and keep my CV updated, just in case.

4. There are some things I can control, like bedtimes and mealtimes. Most everything else, though, is out of my control, and once I accept this and learn to guide rather than force, I'm much happier.
There are some things I can control, like what research I do and where I publish and how I teach my classes and how I interact with my students and colleagues. But as far as tenure goes, I can't control all of the variables, so the best I can do is give it my best shot and hope for the best.

3. It's ok to reach out and ask for help. Most people are willing to help me out if I ask. I can learn a lot from other moms and dads.
Asking for what I want and need is not a sign of weakness. My colleagues can be valuable resources and could even be valuable allies. I can learn a lot from them if I just ask. I may have to be persistent, maybe moreso than I'm comfortable with, but the potential payoff may be worth some initial embarrassment.

2. Play is essential for growth.
Taking time off for myself, and taking time off from work, is normal and healthy and totally necessary for my mental health. I should not feel guilty for not working 24/7. I should not feel guilty for spending time with my family on the weekends, or coming home a bit early to take Baby Jane to the playground.

1. Not everyone is going to be on board with the decisions I make as a mom, and some may even criticize or ridicule my decisions. But there is nothing wrong with following my instincts and doing what I believe, and know, is right for my child.
My colleagues are not always going to understand my point of view on various issues, particularly around diversity and climate issues, and some may even be openly hostile. But there is nothing wrong with following my instincts and doing what I believe is right, to make my field a better, more welcoming place for all.