Emmy, Queen of Niskayuna, is not what you'd call a well-socialized dog. We got her from a shelter, where she was an owner turn-in due to allergy problems, so the only time she's been around other digs was in the shelter. I think the technical term for her reaction when confronted with another dog is "total freak-out."
As a result, when we go out of town, we can't just leave her with family, because my parents and Kate's have dogs of their own. And when we put her in a normal kennel, it takes about a week for her to calm down after we get back. Which means that we end up paying a pet-sitter to come in three times a day when we're gone, to feed, walk, and play with her.
I occasionally think that this is a little excessive, but today's New York Times has a story about luxury dog boarding that makes this seem positively frugal:
At Mazzu's Canine and Feline Hotel in Philadelphia, Jenee Mazzu offers a luxury pet hotel for "the discriminating pet owner." A night in a suite costs $155 to $185, depending on the size of the room. (The largest is 7 feet by 7 feet.)
The daily rate includes the "personal suite, platform bed, comforter, toys, TV/DVD, two walks, one 40-minute jaunt to the dog park, feedings, unlimited bottled water, climate-controlled facility, daily maid service, 24-hour on-site care," the Mazzu's Web site says. For an additional $25, Mazzu's will serve the dog a filet mignon dinner.
Nobody tell the dog about this, OK? She thinks she's got a good deal, sleeping in her own crate and eating her usual kibble...
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Have you checked out Ceasar Milan's book entitled "Ceasar's Way" or seen his show on the National Geographic Channel, "The Dog Whisperer?" He runs a dog rehabilitation center in LA. Most cases are resolved with OWNER training!
The fellow demonstrates absolutely jaw-dropping insights and control of dogs exhibiting the most violent or disfunctional behaviors you can imagine. I raised over eleven dogs through my teens, and even so, learned a tremendous amount through his show and book. There is a whole sections on managing just the types of issues you describe.
Good luck!