Hercolubus or Red Planet

Hi, Ben!

Ben is my neighbor, and I think he's on his way to being a good skeptic. He found this book at the library book sale and had to share it with me — although he had a hard time holding back the laughter as he tried to describe it, and now that I've read it, he's right…it's hilarious.

We are doomed, according to V.M. Rabolú. There is a giant planet called Hercolubus, or the Red Planet, which is going to collide with Earth and destroy the human race entirely. Rabolú is warning us, not that there's much we can do about it.

How does he know this? He's an astral traveler. You can trust him because he provides verifiable evidence to show that he actually has visited other planets. For instance, he's been to Venus.

The Venusians have perfect bodies: a wide or broad forehead, blue eyes, straight nose, blond hair, and an astonishing intelligence. They are more or less between 1.3 and 1.4 meters (4'3"-4'6" feet) tall. Nobody is taller or shorter. There are no potbellies and you do not see deformed people. Everybody has an angelic figure: there is perfection in men and women because it is a planet with an ascendant, superior Humanity. There are no monsters like those you can see here.

They wear a wide belt full of red, blue, and yellow buttons all around, which flash like a lighthouse. When in danger, they press a main button, which you can imagine is like a buckle we have on our belt. Just by pressing it, a circle of fire is formed which can destroy a bullet and everything that it catches around it.

How can they be perfect? They're little runts with poor fashion sense.

Rabolú has also been to Mars.

Life on Mars is exactly the same as on Venus. There is freedom in everything. The Martians can move to any place on the planet, without needing papers or passports or anything like that, and without needing anyone's permission. Wherever they may go, there is a place to sleep, eat, clothing to change themselves, in whatever place on Mars. Wherever they may be, they find everything they need, because there are no borders but complete freedom. It is exactly the same way on the other planets of our solar system.

Martians have stronger bodies than Venusians, visibly more vigorous, for they belong to the Ray of Force.

On Mars everybody wears a soldier's univorm: shield, helmet and a suit of armor. All these war clothes are made out of a material similar to bronze. They stand out because they are warriors to the core, but not warriors in the sense that we would call it here. There are no wars among them or with the other planets. Their war is directed against evil, to defeat evil, not against one another.

There are apparently some small number of people who take this very seriously. Why, they even have a website! With a video explaining it all!

Now you may be wondering…it's all well and good that this wise interplanetary traveller is sharing his knowledge with us, but we're about to be destroyed! At the end, he gives us his Formulas to disintegrate the Self and go out into the cosmos, just like him, and escape our destruction. Here's all you have to do: lie down, recite these formulas 3 or 5 times verbally, and many more times mentally, and you will be translated:

Mantra LA RA S: this mantra is pronounced so that the sound of each syllable is prolonged:

Lllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaa (rolling the r).
Ssssssssssssssss (like a hiss).

Another mantra for unfolding within the astral body is: FARAON

FaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaa
Oooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. (rolling the r)

If you have problems with this, the website has recordings of how to say the formulas properly. They also have a form so you can order your very own copy of the book. Get to work! You don't have much time!

I am wondering exactly how many people are able to swallow this nonsense. There may not be many, but those few have got money — they're mailing this silly book out for free, after all, which has got to add up. I'm not believing any of it, and I doubt that Ben is, either — at least, I haven't heard any strange chanting from next door lately. Although, apparently, someone in Morris, Minnesota ordered this thing and gave it to our library, so there may be Hercolubians among us.