Previously, on the Ted Haggard show…

Ted will look so adorable in a paper hat at Mickey D's!

In his e-mail, Haggard wrote that he would move in to the Phoenix Dream Center, a half-way house for the homeless, recovering alcoholics, drug addicts and prostitutes, whom Haggard said he could identify with.

And the Understatement of the Year Award goes to....

With connections already in the fast-growing fields of meth dealing and male prostitution, I think his next career move is obvious. Network, Ted. It's all about networking.

I like Roy Zimmermans take on Ted's situation
http://tinyurl.com/3xoeu7

Now that he is "cured" and 100% totally not gay I can imagine what kind of rent he could command fulfilling some closeted horny politician's fantasies.

Well, I think ol Ted maybe living life by the "Gotta give head to get ahead" motto. We'll know if, he's a fry cook or late shift mgr.

It's just so noble of him to offer to spend time on his knees in service of those needy men.

Based on what seems to be a necessary job qualification and past performance, I would say that you can all you nattering nabobs of negativity can say good-bye to Mr. Haggard, and give a warm and hearty SciBlog Hello to Senator Haggard. (R)

homeless, recovering alcoholics, drug addicts and prostitutes

So he's going to surround himself with the emotionally unstable and socially weak? Sounds more like a predator than a preacher.

Hans:

Sounds more like a predator than a preacher.

The difference is semantic.

Curiously enough, when my eyes leaped ahead of my brain for a moment, I misread "ministering to the poor at a halfway house" as "misleading the poor...." How apropos.

"Secular" employment? So, by fundies' definition of the word, does that mean he'll look for an evil, immoral job?

I don't know if you're checking the comments here PZ, but one of Fark.com's more notorious creationists is quoting you here:

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=3053145

I'm sure it's been said a hundred times now, but it bears repeating: his reputation's looking a little haggard now, isn't it?

I would have have thought the Rev. Haggard (who is, lest we forget, completely heterosexual) would have had enough of high jinks for now.

I am NOT gay. Who told you I was gay?

Not gay.

I guess he'll be servicing the public sector rather than the private now.

(I am NOT GAY.)

"... give a warm and hearty SciBlog Hello to Senator Haggard. (R)"

Amen, brother. Let's all join in the War on Homosexuality and War on Drugs (particularly crystal methamphetamine - hell, yeah!). One more surge and we'll have this problem licked.

Ahem.

Who gives a sh*t if Haggard is gay. From the way everyone's going on about it, one might think the blog was gay-bashing. So let's be clear: he's a hypocrite

Marcus -Once you label him a Republican Senator, the "hypocrisy" is a given.

And an ex-professional liar.

His lips are probably still registered as weapons in the war against the secular, though.

I think this would make an interesting Showtime crime drama. By day, Former Rev. Fred Shaggard works a shitty fast food job. And by night, he transforms into a meth-addled hooker turning tricks from the drivethru window. He solves crimes through the investigative tool of blowjobs.

Whoa!! Those are an investigative tool? Gotta tell the wife that next time she's trying to work something out.

A friend of my dad once told me, "I woke up the other day with a hard-on and a craving for chicken...I thought the Lord was calling me to preach..."

Marcus Ranum: "Who gives a sh*t if Haggard is gay. From the way everyone's going on about it, one might think the blog was gay-bashing"

Umm, Marcus, unless you're being ironic, I think you may be missing the irony ... no one here is gay bashing, we're hypocrisy-bashing: Ted-Haggard-Hypocrisy-Bashing.

P.S. You misspelt the fourth word - it's an 'i', not an '*'. Grown-up blog. :)

How can we be gay bashing?
Ted Haggard is completely heterosexual.

...will be seeking secular employment...

Secular huh?

Not suckular?

Go figure.

I don't buy that he is or ever was gay. Bisexual might be more accurate but i don't think it's even that. I think he was just a thrill-seeker.

I think Ted Haggard gives a shit if he's gay. More than anyone here, for certain.

Maybe the good Reverend Haggard can apply for a job at the Westboro Baptist Church. I'm sure their limitless christian charity would move them to help this completely heterosexual man.

After all those years of relevant experience as a fundie evangelist, I'm sure that there's a job on a farm somewhere with Haggard's name on it. It involves a shovel, rubber boots, and the back end of a male cow.

He started out pimping for the sky fairy, so why would you expect him ever to straighten out?

I don't know if you're checking the comments here PZ, but one of Fark.com's more notorious creationists is quoting you here

Oh dear. PZ will be needing one of these then:

http://img25.exs.cx/img25/4409/repelbevets017ud.jpg

Poor guy, he's been banished to secular employment. He's already shown his skill at "white collar" crime, so perhaps his next gig will be as the CEO of a large corporation.

I think he was just a thrill-seeker.

If that's thrill for him, he's not heterosexual.

I think he was just a thrill-seeker.

If that's thrill for him, he's not heterosexual.

I guess I should have tried provoking the Internal Server Error once more. After all...

"What I tell you three times is true."
-- Lewis Carroll

"The latest request by former evangelical leader Ted Haggard for financial support was deemed "inappropriate" and "unacceptable" by overseers of the megachurch he founded and was fired from."
Did I just see a sentence ending with a preposition IN PRINT? Oh, ChristianDaily.com. That explains it.

Speaking of haggard-looking ministers... another Jesus Camper has folded his tent and gone to that Big Jamboree in the Sky.
D. James Kennedy, of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, was another in a series of chest-thumping Dominionists determined on returning America to God... and gays to the closet... and wimmen to the kitchen. He established the Alliance Defense Fund in an attempt to counter the ACLU; "he thought the greatest threat to society was the fact that public education had left prayer out of the classroom and continued to teach evolution" (NYT).

And now he is, as we all shall be, worm food.

He'll suffer a series of devastating losses after investing in a shady anti-gay drugs with names like Homoprobe and Theodicil. After customers' testicles start shriveling and his bank account follows suit, he's forced to take a job at his local CVS, appropriately enough as a purveyor of less harmful drugs than he's used to dealing with. The court battle that arises from his refusal to fill prescriptions for 'morning-after' contraceptives goes all the way to SCOTUS and their decision forces druggists to fulfill any legitimate subscriptions they are able to. Ted finds himself penniless, jobless, and addicted to the euphoric, ego-inflating side effects of Homoprobe...

... when along comes Bob, who has a good laugh at the poor sod and eventually shelters him in his suburban home. Ted adopts Bob's secular humanist beliefs and eventually the two of them adopt a son and a daughter to raise as their own. Everyone lives happily ever after, except for the three users of Theodicil whose poor lung volume kept them from leading successful careers as counter-tenors in the music and theater industries.

PZ - if that numbskull gets a tv show about his hilarious misadventures (maybe with some completely heterosexual man-on-man sexual situations) we'll have the non-existent god curse you for giving him, and hollywood, the idea. It'll be the new Three's Company, maybe.

Let's see.. $138K in severance pay should be enough for him to live for decades as a missionary in the Amazon.

If he needs some more money, he can always hit the pro-wrestling circuit (although they may be a tad homophobic).

-jcr

BTW, that house may be assessed at $700K, but what would anyone pay for a place like that? You'd have to open all the doors and windows for a year to let the smugness dissipate, and there's the danger that a cop on a visit might find a stash of Ted's meth and bust you.

-jcr

Haggard will not be doing any ministry and instead will be seeking secular employment...

The Lord's supposed to provide.

Right Ted?

Fuck you Ted.

Secular employment? He was an expert at selling air. I can see him at some used car lot on auto row.
If you wanna buy a car, go see Ted. Go see Ted. Go see Ted.

I'm calling "think tank" now. It's pretty much the perfect position for someone who's unelectable but still wants to have some access to the chambers of power.

Hijinks, indeed, and the jinkier the better!

I wonder what "secular employment" defrocked formerly-gay Evangelical whackjobs seek or are qualified to undertake. I can't think of any secular job that involves getting on TV and begging for money (other than public television pledge drives). Surely, that won't work.

Did I just see a sentence ending with a preposition IN PRINT?

Come on. You can see plenty such sentences in Shakespeare and in the King James Bible. It's English, not German or Latin.

This fall on The Hunting & Fishing Channel, Bass Pro Shops and Wal-mart present: Ted Haggard and Larry Craig, in "Absolutely Not Queer Eye for the Absolutely Not Queer Guy"!

Previously, on the Ted Haggard show...

Is that show anything like "Father Ted", but sad and pathetic instead of funny?

This fall on The Hunting & Fishing Channel, Bass Pro Shops and Wal-mart present: Ted Haggard and Larry Craig, in "Absolutely Not Queer Eye for the Absolutely Not Queer Guy"!

LOL.

I forsee lots of flannel costumes...

I forsee a cushy lobbying job on K Street in Washington DC...he can probably hook up with Jeff Gannon/Guckert while he's at it...all preachers are hustlers & hucksters at heart, so he'll fit right in as a Beltway insider, no hay problema.

"Secular" employment? So, by fundies' definition of the word, does that mean he'll look for an evil, immoral job?

I think he was just a thrill-seeker.

If that's thrill for him, he's not heterosexual.

I think he was just a thrill-seeker.

If that's thrill for him, he's not heterosexual.

I guess I should have tried provoking the Internal Server Error once more. After all...

"What I tell you three times is true."
-- Lewis Carroll

Did I just see a sentence ending with a preposition IN PRINT?

Come on. You can see plenty such sentences in Shakespeare and in the King James Bible. It's English, not German or Latin.