They need every scrap of brainpower they can get, and the two videos at this link will suck out your brain with the awesome power of their stupidity.
Most of you are probably already familiar with the banana video, which tries to conclude that God exists from the perfection of the video. What you will also find at that link is … the peanut butter video. Evolution is disproven because life (by which he apparently means animals, like ants) does not spontaneously arise in the jars of peanut butter on grocery store shelves.
Seriously.
Not only do we not think that there is a significant probability of abiogenesis to occur in a jar of peanut butter over its short shelf-life, not only are food producers more concerned about keeping existing life from growing in the nice culture medium of processed foodstuffs, but what does this guy expect to see if new life did spontaneously arise? Me, I'd expect there to be some subtle shift in the chemical composition of some tiny spot somewhere in the jar; nothing obvious. Kind of like the fact that there are bacteria living in the jar right now, and they just don't jump up and say "boo!" when you open the lid.
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Ouch! My brain!
Well, I hope you're happy. I probably will cause an industrial accident at work today since so many neurons died screaming after viewing that.
The banana one just makes me want to give him a pineapple and ask him to repeat his statements - easy to get into, easy to hold, changes colour when ripe, no messy waste....errrrrr.
(cue Monty Python): My BRAIN HURTS!!!!
That was spectacularly awful. And yet, the evolutionary "fairy tale" still holds far more resonance than the Biblical one.
Wow that kind of stupidty is scary stuff.
short shelf-life? i'm not sure i've lived long enough to see PB go bad on the shelf, and i'm in my mid-30s. maybe there's a few Miller-Urey-like experiments that've gone on long enough for that, but there can't be many...
(removes tongue from cheek, with slight difficulty)
"Behold the Christian nightmare: the coconut. The coconut is an impossibly difficult fruit to eat. They're stashed far away from human reach, have shitty nutritional value, and are much too large to chew comfortably."
The only way that I will "believe" in evolution is if George Washington Carver springs forth from a jar of Jiffy...preferably crunchy.
First bananas, now peanut butter. I'm starting to see a pattern. If frying and sandwich making are the next things listed as reasons for the existence of god in a bad creationist video then I'll know that the architect behind these videos really is the King of Kings. As we all know fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches were a favorite of the rock messiah, Elvis Presley. Viva the King, baby.
Oh good, that's nice to know. Now I can enjoy my peanut butter sandwich without worrying that some creature is going to spring from my gut or worm its way out of my anus.
Creation science works!
Note to Dawkins: next time you do a talk, introduce your side of the story in a courtroom-like setting. That makes it more authoritative.
Once this priest and some of his believer folks screened "Bruce Almighty" in my dorm and had set up a post-screening discussion (of course, religious) around it.
During the "discussion" he and I started a bit of verbal sparring. At one point during the argument he says "Physicists claim that universe started with a big bang a-la big bang theory etc. But I didn't see any sort of creation when 9-11 happened. I don't see anything when bombs explode. Therefore, big bang theory is junk".
Worse still he claimed he had a BS in Physics, and one his followers was pursuing a PhD in High Energy Physics.
Someone posted on dawkins.net something like 'who needs satirists'.
No kidding.
Not many people can actually destroy the argument they're trying to make.
Did you notice that the seal was already broken when he unscrewed the lid of the peanut butter jar? I wouldn't eat that stuff if I were him. Something might be growing it.
Hell, give him a non-domesticated banana - they're green, tougher, and full of seeds.
Were he and Hovind ...cough...cough.. Classmates?
... the almighty must be a sandwich artist ?
Wow. The banana video isn't satire?
Wow.
LOL @ the coconut!
The banana, proof of the existence of God. Funny how they never point out any of the zillion-and-one things on earth that are fatal, toxic or otherwise hazardous (or, as with the coconut, merely difficult and basically pointless) to ingest. I often wonder how things like the appendix and ovarian cancer are explained by the philosophy of Intelligent Design.
If you leave a newborn human baby alone in the jungle for a night, it will be eaten by a tiger. Surely this compelling evidence of God's majesty and benevolent love is proof that this world was made explicitly and exclusively for us.
"If you leave a newborn human baby alone in the jungle for a night, it will be eaten by a tiger. Surely this compelling evidence of God's majesty and benevolent love. . ."
. . .for tigers.
Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes would see nothing wrong in that. ;)
Peanut butter? Crap, they know my weakness...
Damn. Now I want peanut butter for lunch, and I don't have any at work.
Even God would be ashamed of the kind of logic in those videos.
The woman wearing the suit in the courtroom says Evolution is a fairytale.
Does anyone see the irony in that? You need evidence to win in court.
"A fairytale. Life from non life, apart from God's intervention, is a fairytale."
That's classic.
Carlie, that problem is easy to solve. Any evolutionist should know that all you have to do is set off a big bomb, and surely some peanut butter will be created.
I have to speak up in defense of the humble coconut! It's actually an immensely useful plant, providing both food and potable liquid in a handy, long-life package, its leaves can be used to make everything from hats to houses, the shells make excellent vessels, the medial ridge of the leaf is strong and flexible enough to be used to make snares, etc, etc...
Some cultures refer to it as "the tree of life" because, with the proper knowledge, it can provide just everything you need to survive in that environment.
Have we really got to the stage where we're rebutting spontaneous generation?
It's as if the Enlightenment never happened. Then again, that is the end goal of these people.
Damn you, Dunc! Providing even more proof of God's existence here in the land of the Darwinian Fairy Tale!
Steve_C: Yes, classic. For one brief, happy moment I thought her bit was satire, too.
The coconut - useful, just not user friendly.
You know, like the god designed banana.
Peanut butter really is the atheist's nightmare.
Those little jars with the stickers and plastic screw-tops show unmistakable signs of irreducable complexity.
Has anyone ever found a transitional fossil between peanut-butter and a zebra? I thought not.
Only YHWH could have designed such a perfect product as peanut-butter. It is a testament to his greatness.
Unless we too praise him, we shall suffer the fate of the godless Britons and be forced to eat Marmite.
oh well, they sure are right about this being the atheist's worst nightmare.
The dangers of the world are no doubt the product of sin. Presumably Adam and Eve could consume a piece of moldy bread with ricin toxin spread and chase it down with a tasty glass of cobra and sea snake venom cocktail until that damn snake tricked Eve into being naughty.
If they tried to argue with the actual theories instead of with straw men, it'd be too obvious to the sheep who follow them that they're full of crap. Oh, and they'd have to actually understand the theories, which does seem to be beyond most creationists.
Oh No! Another dumb-ass engineer! It's almost enough to make me want to change my vocation.
Is it engineering that makes idiots of people, or is it religion? I hope it's the latter. I mean, there may be an area of my life where I'm unwittingly an idiot. I'll go ask my wife - no, on second thoughts, I don't need to. Doh!
I guess they never heard of Aspergillus flavus.
"Hey, you got new life in my peanutbutter!" "Hey, you got peanutbutter in my new life!"
Reese's will come out w/the Abio-Bar soon this year. W/a warning label, no doubt.
Logic, where is thy sting?
I wonder if Australian cranks disprove evolution with Vegi-Mite?
The seal was broken on the jar of peanut butter because he had to check, before filming, that the jar did not contain new life.
How embarrassing would that have been?
What he doesn't realize, however, is that the trans-dimensional beings from the Ninth Dimension manifest themselves to us as a slow-moving, sweet, brown paste. Think about it; it makes sense.
I am sitting in the middle of the cafeteria, surrounded by hundreds of students, laughing out loud, my belly shaking like, well, like a bowl of jelly soon to be incorporated into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I am getting weird looks from all sides. They think I'm certifiable. OK, maybe after watching those videos I AM certifiable. Let me count how many brain cells I have left. One...two...three...
C'mon, everyone knows Our Lord is a Mighty Hot Dog.
Hot Dog!
Yes, dear friends, hot dog. A mighty hot dog is our Lord.
I'm not talking about hate.. I'm talking about 'ate'... dinner's at eight... let's eat!
Ah, the glories of food....
"Physicists claim that universe started with a big bang a-la big bang theory etc. But I didn't see any sort of creation when 9-11 happened. I don't see anything when bombs explode. Therefore, big bang theory is junk".
PHYSICS DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!
What if the guy did find new life in the jar, and it was in some recognizable form? How would he know the jar hadn't been contaminated? I've opened up jars of stuff that apparently had some kind of life in them, and I always just assumed there was contamination and threw them out. This guy may be onto something though. Maybe I was seeing direct contradiction of his premise that new life doesn't form in food jars. Maybe, just maybe, I was throwing out some major new scientific discovery and didn't even know it. No, that would be stupid.
OMFSM, a Firesign Theater reference.
Some of these comments have me giggling like a nutcake. Maybe I'm just more weak-minded than usual today, but I'm still chuckling over the Calvin and Hobbes thing and the peanut-butter-to-zebra transitional fossil thing and the trans-dimensional beings from the Ninth Dimension thing and ... well, just about every thing! Thanks everyone for supplying much-needed grins on a not-so-great day.
Sarcastro - Firesign Theatre?
I think it's obvious why the jar was pre-opened. Clearly he had to take some sample out to culture, and to examine by electron microscopy to ensure that there was no life inside. Anything short of that, and the declaration of no life in the peanut butter jar would be an insult to the intelligence of his followers.
As for those who still search for the transition from the peanut butter jar to the zebra, have you ever seen those striped spreads of chocolate sauce and marshmallow? Hmmm?
Whoa David, we posted the same minute. Freakycool.
Maybe God designed firm-handled bananas for ease of immersion into peanut butter cans.
Thanks for the laugh.
Excellent point, Zuckerfrosch, and let's not overlook Tiktaalik nutellae.
"Evolution is disproven because life does not spontaneously arise in the jars of peanut butter on grocery store shelves."
Well... there was that jar of peanut butter I had that seemed to develop little white ant things in it... so that disproving is disproved right there!
Not to laugh. These videos represent the quality of science education and level of analytical sophistication that students are likely to experience in fundamentalist schools.
"C'mon, everyone knows Our Lord is a Mighty Hot Dog."
Only if they are in a bun, and there are NO CONDIMENTS. It's a rule.
They may be on to something if this leads to an explanation of why Peanut Butter sticks to the roof of our mouths.
No, the only rule is don't talk with your mouth full. You eat, I'll talk! Here, have some hot buttered groat clusters (they're still warm!).
Yup, Pastor Rod Flash from Firesign Theatre's Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me The Pliers....
As pathetic as this might sound, my dad will be tickled pink that I recognized it! :-p
After all, God poofs things into existence in grand and awe-inspiring ways that make the forces of evolution look small and implausible by comparison. Why else would the image of the Virgin Mary spontaneously appear on a grilled cheese sandwich?
Even if a jar of peanut butter were the ideal environment for the spontaneous generation of molecules necessary for life. Even if that jar were around long enough for those molecules to assemble into something we could call "life". Even if that life then progressed to something we would recognize just by opening the jar and looking.
Too bad for it. I just made a tasty sandwich.
Do you suppose Miller turned to Urey and said, "Hold up a minute. I missed lunch, mind if I cut some carrots and potatoes into that pre-biotic soup?"
Christian Burnham said:
So, um, you're saying that George Washington Carver is God? Gee, that's a problem for creationists in so many ways. I'm not sure that it's a problem for atheists, though.
"Wow, it's as if someone designed the banana to be deliciously sweet, and large, and easy to peel, and seedless!"
Yeah, those would be the people who domesticated and cultivated the banana. I'm surprised he hasn't found evidence of God's design in other things, like toy poodles.
"Kind of like the fact that there are bacteria living in the jar right now, and they just don't jump up and say "boo!" when you open the lid."
Clearly, PZ, you have never cleaned out the refrigerator in a student house.
For more peanut butter humour, check out the corgi at http://cuteoverload.com (Mar 26, 2007)
Is it national peanut butter week, or something?
So THAT'S how we ended up with the salmonella poisoning incident!
Well, that video explains Peter Pan's new ad campaign. Must be going for the creationist market.
The last time the banana one emerged, didn't it lead to lots of Internet discussion of the better way to peel bananas? You know, the way other primates do, but not the guy in the video?
This is correct, but also funny if one thinks of Morbo from Futurama declaiming it.
Well, he tried, but all his talk about how they're sweet, easy to peel, and seedless got the ASPCA on his case.
Hold on a second. He argues that because spontaneous generation doesn't occur in peanut butter jars, that life must have been started by the Magic Man?
Why do they even pretend to that their position is supportable with anything but emotional pleading?
-jcr
(leaps up and down and waves hands wildly!)
evolution .ne. abiogenesis!!
General Electric once exposed peanut butter to heat and pressure and turned it into diamonds. OK, it's not *exactly* new life, but hey, it's a start.
Of course, scientists being so stupid and greedy, they probably just washed off all the ants and other new life forms, took their diamonds, and headed down to 47th Street.
Augh, my eyes! The goggles, they do nothing!
Seriously (well, insofar as one can be serious about this level of kookery):
Re the Banana:
I heard a rumor that Comfort & Cameron had retracted that claim, after being informed that wild bananas (ie. the way God presumably made them) aren't nearly as convenient and palatable as the supermarket variety. Can anyone confirm this, preferably with cite? (But DW and I had a good chuckle over it while grocery shopping last night).
Re Peanut Butter (hmm...I sense a common theme of Supermarket Science here ;-):
The question that occurs to me is: Does Missler really believe his own argument here? Does he really think that peanut butter jars are a good experimental model for abiogenesis? My tentative answer is that he doesn't even take the concept of abiogenesis seriously enough to try to understand it -- after all, he "knows" in advance that it's wrong. All he's looking for is a good snappy way to ridicule it, that will go over well on video. His "thinking" on the subject doesn't even rise to the level of "belief" -- it's just propaganda.
I would just like to point out that, while I have in fact had some strange dreams about peanut butter, peanut butter is not my atheist nightmare. My last atheist nightmare involved evil balloon animals forming themselves into magical runes and trying to kill my girlfriend.
Wild bananas are not very palatable at all: the inside is pretty tightly packed with inedible seeds. Edible bananas are freak mutations capable of vegetative propagation only (and regularly being wiped out by disease as a consequence).
[clicks off; wipes blood from eyes]
"Mr. Missler, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it..."
-- CV