Uh-oh…now there's a magic spray to turn you into a believer.
…don’t you wish there was a God who could just make it all right for you? Wouldn’t it be nice if God could clean up the vomit, instantly heat the water, wash your shirts daily, and always keep your car full of gas? But what darn luck…you don’t believe in God!
Well have we got the solution for you! The scientists at Jesus Had A Sister Productions have been hard at work, and are ready to help you get that much desired faith lift you’ve been saving up for.
That’s right. Surrender yourself to that higher power with a pepper-minty faith-enhancing breath spray! You’ve seen this product on TV, and now it’s time to try it for yourself!
I hope someone comes out with a handy-dandy industrial-sized bottle of God-B-Gone to counter this.
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Methinks it's a spoof.
They sell This and this
A group, "Hey Nunny, Nunny", that performs as a pair of silly singing nuns in renaissance festivals across the country, interrupt their show with commercials including "Moral Fiber" breakfast cereal and "Dam-i-tol" air freshener.
Is it made from snake oil?
And for us more Eastern-oriented types, do they also offer lotus-scented Enlightnment-in-a-Bottle?
Wow, Christ in a Can. Coooooool.
I hope someone comes out with a handy-dandy industrial-sized bottle of God-B-Gone to counter this.
No problem there. Just gargle with (but do not swallow) some Holy Water™.
"Like dissolves like", right?...
Can I get my belief in other flavors?
Believe in Thor in cinnamon?
Believe in Zeus in spearmint?
They already have another product out called Woe-B-Gone. In fact God-B-Gone is merely a relaunch
I used to be concerned about how to avoid damnation if the only means of escape was to consciously modify my beliefs. What will they think of next?!
Of course, it's probably far too late for me now.
Heck, I could start marketing homeopathic god repellent right now! If a miracle occurs in your vicinity within 24 hours of use, I promise TRIPLE your money back! (Void where prohibited.)
Now where did I put those empty bottles and my garden hose...
its....its....Ubik!
Just a few simple ingredients: pure spring water, peppermint essence, 10,000 mics of lysergic acid....
Wait a minute... God cleans up the puke of the faithul? I don't know... It just seems odd that a all powerful being would do something so lowly. Can't be old testament god though. He'd smite you if you asked him to clean up after you threw up.
Sonja:
Sorry, Thor is only available in thyme and bog myrtle, and Zeus only in oregano and anise. They're traditionalists, you know, and product development hasn't really kept up with the evolving preferences of the modern consumer...
Here is a story of a real danger and another unwanted side-effect of Bush's war in Iraq. A super-bug, Acinetobacter baumannii.
http://www.wired.com/news/wiredmag/0,72532-0.html?tw=wn_index_2
"In the taxonomy of bad bugs, acinetobacter is classified as an opportunistic pathogen. Healthy people can carry the bacteria on their skin with no ill effects - a process known as colonization. But in newborns, the elderly, burn victims, patients with depressed immune systems, and those on ventilators, acinetobacter infections can kill. The removal of Gadsden's spleen and the traumatic nature of his wounds made him a prime target."
"Since OPERATION Iraqi Freedom began in 2003, more than 700 US soldiers have been infected or colonized with Acinetobacter baumannii. A significant number of additional cases have been found in the Canadian and British armed forces, and among wounded Iraqi civilians. The Armed Forces Institute of Pathology has recorded seven deaths caused by the bacteria in US hospitals along the evacuation chain."
The Believe In God spray is hilarious - I got some for another atheist friend for Christmas.
The testimonials to efficacy on the back are particularly great :D
My wife actually bought this spray (as a joke) as a stocking stuffer this past holiday. She also bought me a box of monkey nuggets gum. Tag line ", Kids go ape shit for..."
My wife actually bought this spray (as a joke) as a stocking stuffer this past holiday. She also bought me a box of monkey nuggets gum. Tag line ", Kids go ape shit for..."
This looks great! I'm going to buy some, administer the spray, then troll all my favorite blogs!
Seems everyone also needs some Gulli-go, the homeopathic remedy for gullibility. :)