The Laelaps Movie of the Week: The Last Dinosaur

The idea of a lost world, harboring Mesozoic remnants on a plateau in a steaming jungle or in a "hot spot" at one of the poles, has long enthralled writers of fiction, especially when there were truly blank spots on the map that had yet to be explored. The Lost World by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle provided as wellspring of inspiration for later works (the film adaptation delivering convincing reconstructed dinosaurs for that era), the tale of a different lost world on Skull Island (King Kong) becoming a classic in cinema. Over time, however, such stories began to fade away, a rather late entry into the genre being the 1977 clunker The Last Dinosaur.

Maston Thrust, a name that surpasses "Max Power"* in absurdity, is the moniker of a pot-bellied, pockmarked, and cantankerous "Great White Hunter" who is (for lack of a better word) the hero of the film. For one reason or other he's the world's richest man as well, so affluent that he has a trophy room and fireplace (?!) on his own private jet, a love nest that he brings the airheaded women he seduces but then forgets why they're there. Mr. Thrust (I'll continue when the laughter stops) has more on his mind than he's casual acquaintances, however; an expedition he sent underneath the North Pole came back 4 men short, the missing scientists ending up in the belly of a dinosaur. Although Thrust claims that his interest is merely scientific, you can quickly pick up where the story is headed (especially since it's laid out in the theme song for the film in the first few minutes), and Thrust heads off in search of the beast with a Japanese scientist, his African gun-bearer/assistant Bunta, the surviving member of the last expedition, and the female photographer that he's sleeping with.

*"Max Power--he's the man whose name you'd love to touch... But, you musn't touch! His name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it, you mustn't fear, because his name can be said by anyone!" - Homer Simpson

As would be expected, the titular "Last Dinosaur" is what is supposed to be a Tyrannosaurus rex, although it looks more akin to Toho's "Gorosaurus" that first appeared in the 1967 film King Kong Escapes. Rather than being a stop-motion creature, this Tyrannosaurus (just like the Triceratops and Uintatherium that also show up) is a man in a suit with an absurdly long tail, shuffling about and excitedly flapping its feeble arms when it comes across a meal. The reasons why it's still alive are never defined by the film, but the general (pardon the word choice) thrust of the story is that a volcano at the north pole has sustained a paradise since the end of the Cretaceous, dinosaurs and extras with extra hair glued on cavemen running around. As silly as this may sound, the North Pole was not really explored until the first quarter of the 20th century, and there were various hypotheses as to what might lie in the midst of all that ice. Strange atmospheric conditions and myths caused some to believe that there might actually be a warm paradise or Shangri La at the pole, but ultimately nothing but ice (and often tragedy) met explorers in search of a hidden world. Indeed, our understanding of the geography of the planet (both past and present) is still very new, although The Last Dinosaur shows up a bit late for us to give its ideas any sort of credibility. Interestingly enough, however, "polar dinosaurs" have recently been discovered, the ancient creatures living during a time when things were a bit warmer than they are now (and remember, the continents have shifted a bit), the early Jurassic theropod Cryolophosaurus ellioti (found in the Hanson Formation in Antarctica) being one of the most amazing discoveries in recent years.

Our arctic explorers, though, did not seem to think things through, sleeping in shell tents near the side of a lake and acting surprise when Mr. Tyrannosaurus shows up and stomps it flat. The predator is also a bit of a magpie, the phallic "polar borer" (with THRUST emblazoned on the side) being so shiny that the dinosaur could not resist bringing it back to its lair. At this point we learn that much like lungfish, Triceratops surround themselves with earth when times get hard, the Tyrannosaurus jostling things around awakening the ceratopsian from its slumber within the cave walls. Needless to say, the man in the Tyrannosaurus suit easily beats the man in the Triceratops suit, continuing to menace our party (minus the Japanese scientist who was made into a pancake). With no way home, the remaining people snipe at each other and whine until they're able to get the polar borer working again, but Maston wants to stay so that he can add Tyrannosaurus to his trophy room. In order to do this he constructs a catapault, but he forgot one important thing; the skull of Tyrannosaurus is so loosely held together than if it's struck with a boulder the rock will ultimately just roll off;

In the end, the young scientist and the female photographer return home while Maston obstinately stays behind, being so cranky that even the cavewomen are repulsed by him. With no other resolution, we only have to assume that Maston might still be wandering around, muttering to himself and trying to make various contraptions to catch that rascally Tyrannosaurus, and speaking for myself I would much rather him do that than see him try and seduce any more women with horrible lines like "I wonder what your mouth tastes like" *shudder*.

For more of the same see; Planet of Dinosaurs