Why Cats Are Evil

I had a cat like this (RIP, Oberon). He didn't use a ball bat, but when nothing else would wake me, he would wait for me to snore and then stick his paw -- the same paw he used to scratch litter -- inside my mouth.

It worked every time.

Yep, been there, taught the moggie some new words. In these situations, a wombat can sometimes be of help.

Bob

Oh, yes. I should also point out that the moggie is Australian, so he uses a cricket bat.

Bob

My cat doesn't even bother trying to jump on me to wake me up; he just starts pulling books off the bookcases in my bedroom so they go smack on the floor. It works most of the time, at least until I throw something at him.

I had a cat that would adopt the loaf position and purr to wake me up. If that didn't work, she would stretch out one claw and dig it lightly into the tip of my nose.

Moral: Don't feed your cats in the morning or they'll wake you up earlier and earlier.

This reminds of my families cat. My family had the great idea of feeding the cat in the morning, and it expected food at the break of dawn. The big thing is that this is a very big cat. At 22 pounds people say its the biggest cat they have seen.

The cat would wake people by rubbing against them as soon there was a glimmer of daylight. He is so big that he can shake people awake when he does this. The cat tried this with me, but I never fed him after he woke me. Since he never got any food from me in the morning he stopped waking me up very quickly.

We never fed the cat in morning, but we do feed the dog. Every morning, when my father gets out of bed, the dog goes nuts, and my father does whatever she wants. When he's out of town, it's just my mother and the dog in bed, and the dog just lies there until she's ready to feed her.

Conclusion: dogs can train humans, and they know whom they have under their control

My Hilda, when a kitten, noticed that she wouldn't get any action in the morning until I opened my eyes. She started by licking my eyelids, which I found annoying and reacted by squeezing my eyes tightly shut, so this was unsatisfactory. Then she tried hooking a claw into my eyelid to raise it up. She did this exactly once but found the result EXTREMELY unsatisfactory. Twelve years later she still has obnoxious behaviors, but not that one. If you scream loud enough and erupt out of bed, you don't actually have to hit.

Of course cats are evil. Why do you think the evil bad guys always have a cat sitting in their lap? Face it, a drooling irish setter isn't nearly as intimidating.

No, no, the evil bad guy with the cat sitting in his(/her) lap is really a puppet controlled by the evil cat overlords. So next time yer saving the world, in addition to blowing up the evil HQ, throwing the minions to the sharks, and other such bothersome tasks, also remember to squish the cat. Else it'll be back with a new HQ, new minions, new puppet bad guy, and another bad movie.

LOL! I have two cats and they both take turns doing exactly that each morning. It's hard to stay mad at critters that are so damn cute though.

That's cute. My cat is the same way. She can literally tap me on the shoulder with one claw. I've found that cowering under the blankets works well.

Please forgive my simplemindedness, but why is the bedroom door open?

Or do cats know how to work knobs?

Please forgive my simplemindedness, but why is the bedroom door open?

Haha, you definitely don't own a cat. 1) Cats are too damn cute to lock out of your room -- that's cruelty to animals (and to yourself!). And 2) if you shut the door, the cat will reach under, angle its paw upward, and scratch the door repeatedly until you wake up.

In high school, my cat figured out that I started to wake up at 4:30am to finish homework, have tea, etc., so if I slept in until 4:45 or something, *scratch scratch scratch*. Heh, like, "Hey lazybones, you're throwing off my morning routine!"

Some cats can work knobs. The ones that can't will sit outside your door and cry all night if you try to keep them out. You can tell a disgruntled cat owner by his bedroom door having tiny scratches on the bottom inch.

What's even worse is if the cat is locked on the inside, and he needs to use his litter box. Let's not go into that one.

Suffice it to say, cats are lucky they're so darn cute.

Yes some cats don't like closed doors. I remember one time when I was home on Christmas break from college and my mother wanted some private time and she had the door of her bedroom closed. The cat sat in front of the door a meowed constantly. Because the cat is big it has a very loud meow.

After a half a hour of so of the cat making lots of noise, my mother finally opened the door. The cat seeing this looked into the bedroom for a second then walked away. My sister joked that the cat was hoping to for someone he liked, but saw my mother was disappointed and walked away ;)

Yeah, my cat has me pretty well trained, but I have managed to set certain limits, like no feeding her before 7 AM or 6 PM respectively (and I check the clock). Likewise, she doesn't get diddly for waking me up....

The cat probably heard the bookworms crunching books and tried to find what's sound inside the books. Pushing them off the shelves, that's classic bookworm symptom.

I never feed our cats in the morning and they still like to wake me up. I sleep with my hair in a ponytail and I suppose that juncture where all the hair is pulled together must be about the size and color of a mouse. One of the cats used to like attacking this early in the morning. Now she's graduated to rubbing her chin, i.e. jawbone, on the top of my head and then biting same. They've never ever bitten except mornings when we're in bed. They seem to find us amusing when we're semi-conscious and they're fully alert. I'm starting to think it's a power thing because all other times of the day they tend to be shy.

You miss the point.

Cats aren't evil. They are merely a prolific source of Boltzman Noise. By their existence they keep us from getting stuck in sub-optimal minima in the adaptive landscape which is our daily lives.

I say this with some authority, since I am currently playing host to no less than 8 cats, including three 8-week old kittens, 2 six or seven month old kittens, a year-old cat, a mother cat and an elderly female who is thoroughly disgusted with the entire thing.

Anyone want a kitten?

Awwww. Thats cute.

OK, the cats are out of the room now... We have a division of labor among our cats. Our main cat, Bobbie, is noisy, and loves to play with her toys in the bedroom while we sleep. She talks to herself while doing this, going "merrrOOOWWWLLLllll," rolling both the r and l.

Our auxiliary cat, June, almost never makes any noise unless she is thirsty, but will crawl all over you at night, and if she really needs attention she will gently paw your nose or mouth, especially if it is a nice afternoon nap between grading papers and evening tv. Luckily, she weighs all of 6.5 pounds soaking wet, so you don't exactly notice her climbing on you.

Our dissertation cat, Cleo (just sort of showed up while I was writing), pesters you if you are eating. The others do this a little, but if you are eating on the couch, Cleo will headbutt your plate hard enough to send you scrambling to keep from making a mess. A delicious mess.

All three are greatly loved, partly because we feed them before we go to bed, and don't give treats. That way, they hang around us expectantly, running up the stairs to their food bowls at the slightest stirring from either of us.

An innocent is not incapable of doing evil, an innocent is incapable of understanding why what he did was evil. Cats are innocents, which is even worse than being evil.

Always remember this; God created the universe for Man so cats would have staff.

Once when I was staying at my boyfriends, his roommate's cat tried to wake me up by laying his head on my throat and purring very loudly. It is the creepiest feeling EVER!!! But alas, I would take an annoying cat who is purposely trying to wake me up over an exceptionally loud snorer who doesn't know that they are waking me up anyday.

My first cat (my has had many) was given to us 11 yrs ago. If I had a bat under the bed he would use it - on me!

Mwahahahahahaa...!

Actually, I have to weigh in on the cat-owners' side on this one. I used to have a cat named "Torque" (do I need to go into why?) whose preferred waking-up time was 5:30am. MY preferred waking-up time is 10am, though I usually have to be up by 7:30 at the latest. However, Torque found this entirely unacceptable.

He was a very large cat -- 18 inches at the shoulder and a full two feet long, and he weighed proportionately. So he would start by simply lying on my chest and purring. If that didn't work, he would scootch up and stick his skull directly under my chin, and purr so that it rattled my teeth. If I rolled over and pulled the blanket over my head (usual), he would scootch up again and lie on top of it -- YOU try breathing through 20 pounds of fur!

If that didn't work, we would get the crescendoing "meow!"s and increasingly hard paw slaps and attempts to dig me out from under the blankets, literally.

Generally, this resulted in the cat taking an unintentional flight across the room. But this NEVER stopped him. Oh yeah, and he *could* work door knobs.

The final straw came when he learned how to re-program my radio alarm clock. I wish I were kidding; all the control buttons were on the top, and I think he figured out that if he walked on it enough, eventually it would turn on.

The situation was eventually solved by my installing a lock on the bedroom door, and I just put up with the destruction of the bottom of the door and the hacked up doorknob. It was quieter.

My cat used to lick my eyelids if I didn't wake up right when he wanted me to. There is no feeling like that and it wakes you INSTANTLY. _-^..^-_

No... this is so untrue!!! cats are lovely little creatures...

BTW, You were selected to the Funny Videos Carnival!

It's up here: http://www.ageekfamily.com/carnival-of-funny-videos-november-2007/