Some days, I wish I was a lesbian. Yesterday evening was one of those days, in fact.
So my little story started a few nights ago when I was out alone (as always), drinking a beer and checking email at a local pub when some guy starts talking to me.
Um, okay, whatever.
I answered him as briefly as possible and then tried to ignore him. Nonetheless (and unfortunately for me), it took him a little while, like maybe half an hour, but all of a sudden, he decides he is in love with me. Nevermind that he doesn't know anything about me, except that I am trying to ignore him, and nevermind that I don't want to know anything about him because he's a pathetic moron (why do all the truly stupid guys with double-digit IQs decide luuurrrrve me?).
So last night, I was in my pub reading email (again) -- when to my utter horror, he decides to pop after driving up in his 18-wheeler!!
Yes, you read that correctly. He parked his fucking truck and trailer combo (complete with a ginormous USMarines logo on the side), in the middle of the street, left it running while he walked across two lanes of traffic (he was literally parked in the middle lane, on a five-lane street), strutted in to say hello and decided he wanted a kiss.
And he said he loves me.
OH puhleeeeeze! I wanted to punch him in the nose, except I simultaneously also wanted to faint and run away, so I was rendered .. helpless with astonishment, embarassment and indecision.
I don't know what's worse, living alone for the rest of my life or being molested in public by a dumbshit ex-marine who parks his 18-wheeler in the middle of a major thoroughfare in Manhattan. So I'll ask you all this question; which is worse?
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Change pubs. Now.
Ditto Mark P's comment.
I don't know what being a lesbian has to do with anything...lots of men hit on uninterested lesbians. In fact, they're the same guys that generally have trouble telling when a straight woman isn't interested in them.
You either need to find a new pub or get more assertive with this guy....like, fer'instance, filing for a restraining order.
What's the ideal male to you? I want to be that male. lol
well, it's true that being a lesbian would not solve any of my creepy guy problems, but it sounded controversial, so i wrote it.
for starters, an ideal male for me would not leave his 18-wheeler running in the middle of a manhattan thoroughfare, drawing lots of attention from aggressive NYCers and hogging space while adding to global warming.
Would he have tickled your fancy if he left his 18-wheeler in the carpool lane?
:-P
Unfortunately, telling this kind of person that you are a lesbian usually has one of two results, (if not both.) one, a ignite a fantasy of a possible threesome, and two, the urge to be the guy who turns you straight, (because that must be why you are a lesbian, you just haven't found the right one yet...)
sad as it is to say, there are some people who just cannot see past their own fantasy of what you must be thinking. Probably the only way that you can do anything about this type is see if you can get someone to be your "beard." and honestly, (sadly,) even that might not penetrate that sort of mind...
If you're looking for controversial you might be able to turn the table on point one if you could insist that you wouldn't be at all interested unless you got to watch him get it on with another guy first...
I did have a friend who, when asked "what, are you a lesbian?" was able to respond without skipping a beat, "what, are you the alternative?"
The best one liner I ever heard for dealing with this situation was "
"Cool it mate, I'm not your little nephew".
I'm sure you'll see that it is right up there with, "Have you stopped beating your wife?"
("mate" for us aussies; not sure what your easy-going and/or slightly threatening term of endearment might be)
"not sure what your easy-going and/or slightly threatening term of endearment might be"
In New York, that would be "asshole."
Being a lesbian wouldn't help, that short of twit is usually convinced that lesbians just haven't met a "real man" -- like them of course! :-(
Initial suggestions:
(1) Talk to the police. You probably don't have enough to press charges, but you can report the incident and give a description. You may also be able to score a 911-only cell phone while you're at it. Besides his behavior towards you, blocking a lane of traffic might well be enough to get the police interested.
(2) Next time you go to (or even past) that pub, tell the bartender/manager about the guy and his behavior. Ask if they have a bouncer, and ask them to keep an eye out for him.
(3) If the guy does show up again, call the police (and head for the women's room) as soon as you see him coming. If you can't avoid him, tell him about your trip to the hospital, start rambling about how Loreena Bobbit got a bad rap, explain that you're not contagious anymore no matter what the doctor said, etc.. There's probably a few sites out there that can give you some good ideas...
You could try taking a leaf from Zuska's book and just puke on his shoes. ;-)
A full-size semi with a USMC logo in NYC?
Grrl, you've been reading this dude all wrong: yes, he only wants you for your body, but... he's a recruiter.
Don't bother with the police, unless it's to report him for blocking traffic or parking illegally, and don't do that so he knows it's you. The danger, and, unfortunately, it is a danger, is that he will become obsessive. He has already shown sufficient lack of judgement that you should be concerned. The easiest way to defuse this situation is not to be where he looks, until he gives up. That means change pubs now, and probably don't go back to the old one for a long time.
It really isn't a joking matter.
Boy, an anti-trucker bigot. As a former truck driver myself (what a miserable job that was too), I must protest! Protest I say!!! I take considerable exception to your out-of-hand dismissal of this lonely man who only wanted to express his undying love for you. So what if he only drives a truck? And how do you know his IQ is only in the double-digits? Huh? Huh? I have an IQ of about 140 and I drove a truck.
Some people, I swear. Sigh...
In all seriousness, that does sound a little creepy. Be careful. You never know.
--JK--
There was a recent post at Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy (BA) blog on what can happen when this sort of situation gets out of control:
A bent stalk produces crooked timber
That post, and particularly the article it links to, are perhaps worth reading. But, warning, the link BA points to is a creepy incident, much worse than what is reported here.
Summarising (from memory), the advice is to never ever respond to or acknowledge the guy. In any way.
To me, some of the suggestions given by other commenters here, such as talk to the bar (even if they don't have a bouncer), and also perhaps to the police (even if there isn't much they can do), also seems very sensible.
It is a hard thing to leave your favourite watering hole, however this male sounds as if he is a possible danger.
Mention it to the barman or perhaps tell him to "go away" in a loud voice so everyone can hear. If all else fails change pub, but you shouldn't have to change for him.
I am suprised that he wasn't arrested for blocking a street. Never a policeman around when you need one.
Good luck getting rid of him.
Oh, just an aside, having an IQ over 100 has never prevented a male from making a total fool of themselves or from behaving badly. We can be very inept at picking up the FOff clues from pretty ladies.
the latter scenario is worse, no question. and yea, talk to da friendly bartender about this dude, just in case.
Yep: talk to the bartender, loud. If the pub can't keep it itself women-friendly, it doesn't deserve patronage.
Maybe I missed something but did you ever tell him outright that (1) you weren't interested in him and (2) to leave you alone? I think you need to do that before this goes any further. And you might need to do that in front of witnesses. Just so he understands. Up front. After that, anything he does may be considered to be sexual harassment. Otherwise you have left yourself open to the attentions of an aggressive male who hasn't been told he isn't welcome. Since you don't wear a sign on you that says you are only interested in unaggressive males who don't talk to you and who have IQ's above 140 or so, he has no way of knowing that your indifference is anything other than shyness.
i have no problem with telling guys to leave me alone, but i mistakenly assumed the first conversation would be the last, so the second conversation was a surprise and further, he would did not let me get one word in. but if he had stuck around for longer than five minutes, i would have used my typical creepy guy repellant; "LEAVE ME ALONE!" (shouted, of course).
That probably would have worked. You can't blame guys for being aggressive tho. Else the race would have died out long ago. Some guys DO have to be given a good whack on the head however thus reminding them that aggressive doesn't always work.
Avoiding where this idiot is likely to be wouldn't be a bad idea, but you shouldn't have to stop living just because you've attracted unwanted attention. If I were you I'd pick up some pepper spray, just in case. I've never understood why anyone would give a woman the advice to rely on someone else (bartenders, bouncers etc.) to protect her. O.o
Yuck, creepy fellow! I would refuse to give up my favorite watering hole for an asshole, but it may be safer to change temporarily. For a couple of months maybe. Telling him off may be a good start too, but then again, you never know how he will react to that. The last thing you need is a full-blown stalker. Living alone is definitely preferable.
Askyroth: Oh, I dunno, because maybe people shouldn't have to deal with big scary crazies all by themselves?
People shouldn't have to deal with big scary crazies. Nevertheless, they may have to, and it is to their advantage to be prepared to do so. The same principle holds if we tack "by themselves" onto the first sentence.