I can't be the only one who finds this story funny. According to a woman who says she was kept against her will as Bin Laden's mistress in 1996, Osama was obsessed with Whitney Houston. She says he talked often about having Bobby Brown killed and taking Whitney as one of his wives. Two things come to mind. First, ridding the world of Bobby Brown might almost make up for that whole World Trade Center thing. Second, given the fact that Whitney married that asshole in the first place, she clearly has bad enough taste and judgement to seriously consider Bin Laden's offer. Okay, here's a third response: wouldn't you kill to see that Barbara Walters interview, with Whitney Houston declaring that "crack is whack" and Osama calling her an infidel whore? This is starting to sound like an SNL sketch, isn't it?
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I can just see and hear Osama trying to sing along to "I will Always Love You" and having his voice crack - and bringing down the cave walls. Cool. Couldn't happen to a better crazed wacko.
So THAT'S why he's trying to destroy America -- he's pissed off that his fave crush became a crack addict, and he wanted to destroy the decadent society that made her that way. Hey, if it happened to Uma Thurman, I'd start throwing airplanes around too.
This whole 9/11 thing just became a lot clearer...
Or maybe he's just trying to get her attention.
Well, using one phallic symbol -- commercial jets -- to knock down America's biggest phallic symbols -- the WTC towers -- is a sure-fire way to get a chick's attention. The Pentagon attack was probably a sperm-and-egg metaphor to indicate a desire to father her children.
I've always thought of terrorism as high-stakes performance-art, and this story shows Osama's talent at it. Laurie Anderson, eat your heart out.
Oh well, at least OBL doesn't have a thing for David Hasselhoff.
OBL = Travis Bickle?
What is even funnier is the idea of OBL 'holding a woman against her will as his mistress.' This was one of the richest men in the world, far from unattractive in his earlier days at least, powerful, a celebrity, famous, and a member of a religion that allows multiple wives. The idea that he'd have to kidnap a woman to be his mistress may be the least likely part of the story.
On the other hand, while I don't agree that getting rid of Bobby Brown would almost make up for the WTC, it took a little thinking to be sure.
What's funnier still is the fact that Osama held this woman as a virtual slave, forced to minister to his every demand, and he still kept fantasizing about Whitney Houston, to the point where his concubine got fed up. Ad Ed says, I'll take "desperately wanting what you can't possibly have" for one thousand, Alex. Either that, or "desperately trying to prove your manhood by pretending you can pick and choose your women"...